I remember the look on her face when we realized that we needed to take our oldest child out of school. It was clear mostly because that child asked to leave school half way through 6th grade – a school that she loved and was loyal beyond reason to. She asked tearfully and defeatedly – not in an obnoxious spoiled way. Her anxiety about academics was through the roof and no combination of meds could control the accompanying outbursts of frustration. Her best times of the day were when the rest of the class went to PE and she stayed behind and enjoyed quiet.
So that facial expression? Sort of like a mix of terrified, excited and a sudden bout of nausea. She pushed down the puke and raised her hand for homeschooling a sixth grader for the second half of the schoolyear while I cried with gratitude. And we went shopping. For a homeschool setup, of course! And books! And binders! And a laptop! We spent a week setting up and tons of cash to fund this new venture. We had custom t-shirts made in a late night on-line shopping spree. And, with a great looking school room and an attitude of gold, we launched – me as the planner and grader and support staff, her as the head teacher. And every single skill that my wife amassed in her life was put to the test, none more than her soccer prowess - dodging and weaving with grace and agility the every day hurdles of a hormonal, mood disordered 6th grader with a learning difference or three. Field trip Fridays, Cooking Tuesdays, Work-out Wednesdays, Thursday fashion drawing class with the homeschooling community. She did it all. But this venture isn’t for the faint of heart. Our student’s motivation was low, her confidence was shot, her desire to sleep in was high and her interests were low.
Looking in the rear view mirror today I say... enter these hallowed grounds with caution and self-reflection. You have to have confidence that your kids are getting all that they need to learn, and that you know those things. You must be dedicated to keeping them social and engaged. You must be determined to get them up every single day and get them excited… And you must above all else be prepared that they will not be bubbling over with gratitude for your efforts. For these thing we were not totally prepared, I'll admit.
I am exhausted just recalling this roll in the homeschool hay and am grateful for the wonderful traditional school option that 7th grade brought and the incredible opportunity we have to wave goodbye each morning to all four of our kids. While we declared neither success nor failure at this attempt at homeschooling, we did declare ourselves unfit for a long term version of the task and we did declare all of you who do it with such grace and dignity and still have kids who love you and haven't run away to Australia - basically heroes.
Oh - and in case you are wondering, I am not even nearly out of gift ideas for the incredible person who gave the gift of her sanity so that the other kids and I may survive only mildly scathed by one heck of a 6th grade year.
*Photo is the ACTUAL shirt we had made. Yep. Did that. Went whole hog.