.jpg)
Last night my oldest daughter told me that I have a terrible way of delivering bad news. She cited the fact that I created, by hand, a carefully thought through board game to announce my divorce and that I crafted a thorough scavenger hunt to announce a change of schools. All I could do was say, "Humph I thought I was being clever". She looked at me with that teenage glare that tells one how very, very, very incorrect they are.
I remember this same child, just a baby when 9/11 happened. And I recall a feeling of relief and gratitude that her 9-month-old brain didn't require much explanation. As time has ticked on, however, the world hasn't become a less violent or angry or aggressive place in which to reside. There have been school shootings, bomb threats and drills, there have been wars and even history classes that show the dark underbelly of human nature.
And those things can't be ignored and they are hard to baby-proof up like a cabinet or toilet. We ditched cable, but somehow that didn't stop the news from happening. I wish, really wish, that I could skip through life and raise nice Jewish kids who didn't know about the Holocaust or who were unaware of the ongoing violence in the Middle East. I wish that only because I wish those things weren't true, weren't even things that people were capable of. But, alas, here I sit, faced with a discussion about terror and violence and hatred. And it makes me feel a little tiny bit sick.
Last year in an incredible religious school class, my son's 6th grade year was focused around the Holocaust. Not just the darkness, but also the light - the kind people who helped, the generous people who risked life at their own peril. Each student was assigned a child who perished in the Holocaust. They researched this kid and wrote a paper from the child's perspective thereby reliving a part of history that is pretty dark and nasty. But they learned about the righteous people who hid Jews and who fought back and I found that heartening. And it made me think about how we balance what we share and how we engage kids in appropriate ways in the news of our day.
I shall intentionally avoid the topic of Israel (even though it is massively relevant to this topic right this very moment) because the politics of it all cloud the otherwise position-neutral point (which is about selective, thoughtful, fair, information-positive current events discussions with children, by the way). So in lieu of a war ravaged holy land, consider gay marriage. I myself am gay-married in the deep South, in a state that expressly prohibits gay marriage. I am proud to live in a city and have children in schools in which not a single one of my children has ever been teased or had the crap beaten out of them for this fact. We have installed those baby-proofing bumper corners on the kids - installed them in loving and safe environments.
But the truth is that marriage equality is a hot topic and is so prominent on the political stage that the discussion is unavoidable and my position on the topic is, well, pretty clear. When the huge Chick-fil-A controversy happened (in which it was revealed that they, our most favorite all time fast food restaurant had funneled a bunch of money to anti-gay things, we decided to share this with the kids. It involved a whole discussion about the institution of marriage, the meaning, the rights afforded married people...and we collectively decided to forego the tasty chicken bites. Obviously, having kids who endorse their own mothers' legal right to marriage is important to me, but Jon Stewart tells me a million examples every single day of things that are more distant but equally weighty and important.
I don't know enough creative board games to invent to bring energy and fun into every current event; I can't even pretend at purporting a singularly ideal approach to lightly enlightening our kids. But I do know that not everything can be baby-proofed. There will be an outlet that hangs open attracting a fascinated wet finger. But we have to make a try at installing those annoying clear plugs because exploring and knowing too much can be traumatic. Ignoring - bad. Disillusioning - bad. Discussion - good. Hope - good. So how can we bring light into the darkest of situations? How can we spread optimism while engaging kids in some of the ugly truths of our world?
Oh - sorry, this isn't a top 20 list of things to do or a prescription for a right way to engage kids in a world without stairtop gates. Because you are actually the experts in this gig. This is a tribute to and a reminder of your own intuitive ability to help your kids believe that good always wins while you struggle in the background with the realities that you feel and confront. This is just a reminder that you know how to lead them without bullying their thoughts, how to help them see different sides and make their own decisions. There isn't a right answer or a perfect way to childproof the world - there is only this struggle. And this struggle, this recognition of tension, the balancing of innocence and information that you do every day - that is what is right - that is your own prescription and your own top 20 list.